In the Beginning- the first 18 months
We met online, through a popular dating website (please note that I do not hold the site responsible in any way!), and in the beginning, things were amazing. Our first date (well first meeting really, as until then, we had only spoken via text and email) was something out of a romance film. We met at the train station, under the giant clock. We had talked before and decided to get the awkwardness out the way, the first thing we would do was a kiss. And we did. We then went for a walk along the river, had dinner at a small café on the river bank, then afterward, we walked again for a bit, before sitting on a bench on the river bank where we cuddled and talked, before moving on to a bar for a few drinks. By the end of the date, neither of us wanted to leave and go home. We were so happy to have had such an amazing first date. The train ride home for me seemed to take forever, I really didn’t mind though as we exchanged a few texts and I was feeling so happy and amazing.
Here was this guy that made me laugh, was easy to talk to, and was just so attractive. I couldn’t believe that someone like him wanted to date someone like me. And judging by the texts, wanted to see me again. I had had some pretty rough relationships in the past (other stories for another time) I had found that in many ways, I was trying to protect myself from being hurt again. I didn’t want to let my guard down and surrender to him, but I found that I couldn’t help it. He was so easy to talk to, so much fun to be around, attentive, caring, that before I knew it, I had let all my guards down. The only flaw I could see was, he didn’t drive and was currently out of work. That was ok though as he was at university, so I didn’t mind paying for things.
Over the following weeks, we talked daily and saw each other as often as possible. It was like a really good drug, you just wanted more and more and more. I eventually moved out of the place I was staying and into a friend’s apartment with her and her fiancé. My relationship seemed to be going so extremely well, and he ended up staying more and more often.
Within roughly a year, we moved in together. We rented a two-bedroom house (the original plan was to have his mother move in with us too, but that never happened) it was in a beautiful setting, wide open wooded area behind us, quiet street in front of us. The most AMAZING Chinese restaurant five minutes away (we became regulars there) was picturesque and perfect. We then started to buy pets, started small, hamster, then a rabbit, then another rabbit, then Degus, then a dog. Then we started to foster parrots. The animals were for both of us (though mainly more me I think) and the parrots were for him. I have a fear of birds, but I was so in love by then, that I would learn to cope with them for him.
We were also members of a local theatre group. I had joined the group first and had done a few products with them. Theatre was another thing we had in common, but I was a little hesitant to have him join. Yes, I wanted to spend every waking moment with him (and sleeping moment too) but this was my thing. For some reason, I wanted to keep that separate. But I smiled and said nothing. We ended up both really enjoying it and working well together. He ended up getting more involved and even directing. I just either worked backstage or performed. I had never had the desire to direct, so I really didn’t mind.
Also by this time, he had dropped out of university and was working. That was how we were able to get the house together. We didn’t work that far from each other, and I drive, so I would take him to work and pick him up every day. I began to find that the days he didn’t want to go to work, I was also taking them off. If he was sick, I had to make sure he was ok and care for him. On the occasions when I would still go to work, we would talk on my lunch break, and I would feel so guilty being at work, that I would either leave early or risk a speeding ticket on the way home. I also found that I was doing everything, all the housework, and shopping. If he was at work (he worked weekends) that was my routine. I found that I almost enjoyed it, I had the house to myself and I could clean for hours, bake, prepare the evening meal, get the shopping in and take the dog for long walks. I could happily be a housewife. My life was perfect, we never argued, we did lots of things together – life was picture book perfect. Except, I was then diagnosed as diabetic. A slight hiccup so to speak, a family was still possible, but now I had to watch my diet, etc. He was supportive and did what he could to help.
We did have an issue with money. We kept spending it. Taking out loans to buy more and more, to the point we wouldn’t repay any of it.
Then the recession hit. The company he worked for went bankrupt and fired everyone. I was still working, but there was no way we could afford to live in our picture-perfect house, certainly not with all the debt and no savings. We were also talking about getting married at this point too and starting a family. We really didn’t have that many options and to make things worse, the landlords informed us that they wanted to move back into the house. We could not afford to rent anywhere else.
So we made the decision to get married (a few years earlier than we had talked about) and move to Canada. I am a Canadian Citizen, so the move was no issue for me. We had to get his Permanent Resident card and application of sponsorship through, but if we were married, that would help. That was another reason why we decided to get married sooner. From the moment we decided to get married, the actual day was only three weeks. In that time, we had the church booked, flowers and food were being done by family members, and the reception was to be at their house too. We had handpicked a small group of friends, and my wedding dress was handmade. The music was picked, the wedding cake was made by my aunt, and a friend was doing the photography. The day itself was fantastic, we had so much fun, spent it with people we cared about and we were both so happy. My mum made it over from Canada, but my dad was unable to cause of work, so my God Father gave me away. The whole day/event was otherwise perfect.
Not long after, all the paperwork was done and we were looking forward to starting fresh in a new country. We had to make other living arrangements though before the move. Money had run out and as I said, the landlords wanted the house back. So I stayed with friends during the week so I could continue to work, and he moved back to his mother’s house. I stayed there at the weekends until I finished work, then I stayed there for a month and a bit before I moved to Canada. We had to do it in stages. I went first to get settled and find a job, then he came over four months later. We brought the two rabbits and the dog with us as well. The rabbits came with me, and the dog came a week before he did.
Then, things started to change.
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